Things I don’t get No.3

 

  1. Linked In – I will be convinced that this is of any use if I hear of a friend, acquaintance, countryman or resident of the Universe who has actually made a useful contact, let alone got a job, out of this. Until then, I can live without the weekly e-mail that asks me to validate a friend’s skills.
  2. Vampire and zombie movies. Yes, I know I’m in a tiny minority here, but vampires and zombies, er, actually don’t exist and never have done.  It would be interesting to know what proportion of the movie industries output (or, more crucial I guess, revenues) are devoted to this endless tosh. Resources that could have been devoted to films about how life is, how it got to be as it is, or how it might be.
  3. Superhero movies. See above.
  4. TV coverage of the practice day of Grand Prix races. Now, sport is an individual choice.  GP is a bore.  Fast cars chase each other round a track, and that’s that.  The best car wins, and it is usually the car that won the last race.  But I’ll let people watch it if they want.  But practice ?  I love cricket, play a bit of golf but can’t see the point of basketball, but I am sure that there are people who legitimately feel the reverse.  But, come on, none of us spend hours of TV time showing practice, do we ?  How about four hours of England in the nets, two hours of Tiger Woods on the driving range or putting green, or half a day watching Magic Johnson practicing lay-up shots ?  Well, actually less tedious than the first day of practice from Dubai, in my view.
  5. Extra gears for cars. My first car had four forward gears, and I could see it was an improvement on the three gears that were normal before then.  In the 70s and 80s I had cars – like Volkswagen Polo and Talbot Horizon – that were just fine on four gears.  Then  five gears arrived, mostly with a fifth gear for motorway cruising, what the oldsters would call ‘overdrive’: that was doable.  Then we had five evenly spaced gears that we had to use all the time.  My present car has six forward gears, providing constant choices I don’t need (no, Mr Cameron, choice is not always a good thing) and I am grateful there is an indicator on the dash to tell me which one I am in, even if it takes my eye of the children crossing the zebra ahead.  I now read that the latest Porsche has seven forward gears. The idea that such a car is sold as a contribution to driving pleasure …
  6. Notices that forbid the chaining of bikes to these railings. Why ?  To avoid terrorist exploding bikes ?  To preserve the beauty of the façade of a 1960s office building ? To prevent the Chief Exec having to look at Lycra shorts ?  Why ?
  7. Why French supermarkets have Fishermen’s Friends on every checkout. A friend tells me that they have uses in sex.  Bloody French, I could have guessed.  I lead a sheltered life, obviously.

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